Normality in chaos
by noneneedstoknow
Summary: She was the normality in his chaotic life and Harley didn't like it one bit.
1. Chapter 1

~hi guys! this is my first ever suicide squad story and i just hope you guys like it! reviews are ALWAYS welcome!

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Joker knew normal. Even after he became what everyone sees. He knew normal and it was me. My name is Jacqueline and I was the normal in the chaos. I moved from London to Gotham when I was 25 after I finished with university and transferred to Gotham University to get my Master's Degree in White Collar crimes as they so eloquently put it. We met before he went insane… you're probably asking if we dated? Yes. Was it serious? It depends on the person you're asking but to me it was.

He's 9 years older than me but we met 6 years ago when I was at a pub looking at a study case and he said that the crime being committed there was studying and drinking at the same time, no one should do both. We laughed, got along and the rest is history.

We kept in touch trough the time! In these years he went crazy, he blames Batman. I've lived in Gotham for 2 years now and only when I arrived I realised that that so called 'Batman' was real. If you told one of your friends on the other side of the world that a man dressed as a bat was trying to save the city what would you answer? As expected I called him insane, which I already knew he was but to that extent? I was wrong and I admit it.

He became what everyone sees about 4 years ago and scared the living daylight out of me but what was I gonna do? Leave him? Law school isn't easy on anyone and it takes a clean mind to make it through it unharmed, mine was not clean so, as expected, it wasn't all good. I had multiple mental breakdowns and each time he would try to bring me to Gotham to be treated, but he also knew that if I left London against my will it would do more harm than good., so he would go see me when he could and sent one of his goons to keep an eye on me and I remind you this had come from the Joker everyone in this town fears.

You're probably wondering if I'm gonna mention Harley, I just did and I will talk about her. I met her when she was treating J at Arkham and she seemed sweet. How did I do that, you ask, the answer is quite simple! I'm a lawyer and I was his lawyer… sort of. He never needed one but every now and then he'd call me and say he wanted to talk so he'd tell Frost to send the jet to get me! I knew what he was doing from the beginning and we talked about it and we agreed I wouldn't be around for a while because it could disrupt his plan to get out.

It had been 3 years since that conversation and I hadn't contacted him since, I knew he had gotten out but he didn't knew I was in Gotham. I left London because that Master's Degree was so much more interesting in a city corrupted by drug and crime lords, the irony isn't lost in me, trust me!

All was fine, I had an amazing group of friends back home, a crazy but awesome roommate called Jennifer and my studies were going well. I hadn't talked to Joker since then but I knew him and Harley had been causing chaos together and all I wished was that no chaos got to my house. No one around me knew I had connections to him because I didn't talk about it to protect myself. As long as it kept on being like this I was going to stay until I finished and then I would get back to London… or so I had hoped until that knock on my door.

I hear Jen running from her bedroom to the door:

\- - Hey Jackie, there's this dude on the door who asked me to ask you if you wanted to build a snowman

\- -Is he wearing a grey suit?

\- -Yes….?

\- - Oh dear lord… okay. I'm going with him and you are going to lock everything and wait for me to come back. If I don't come back in 24 hours call the number in the black envelope behind our frame and just say I'm not home, they'll know what I mean.

\- -What is going on? Are you okay? Have you start doing drugs?

\- -No, no, honey calm down! Everything is fine and just do as I told you okay?

\- -Okay!

I get my bag, put on my jacket and go to the door.

\- Hello Frosty, long time no see.

And my so hoped piece was over.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: thank you to everyone who actually took their time to read this! I have a few more chapters lined up! xA

Damn you Frost why did you have to know I was there?! The snowman thing was a joke because one time he went to get me and it was snowing! Snow and Frost equals a snowman joke.

\- Why was I taken from my lovely home and my really warm cup of tea at *looks at watch* 10:26 pm when I have classes in the morning?

\- Bossed asked to get you

\- He knew where I was?

\- Yes

\- All this time?

Frost nods.

\- That's great!

\- I'll admit that I missed your sarcasm! C'mon lets go.

\- Aw no shining car this time? Sad!

I got into the backseat of the car while Frost was driving.

\- Where are we going this time ?

\- The hideout

\- Do you know why he asked for me?

\- Not really.

\- Okay, just get there fast please because I have stuff to do at home.

Frost smiled. I have a dark sense of humour and everyone knew that. He drove the car for about 20 minutes until we got to this warehouse and yes, it was as creepy as it sounds. Some goons opened the gate and we got in.

The joker's hideouts were always incredibly spooky on the outside but classy on the inside. Frost opened the door for me and I got some 'who the hell is she' looks on the way to the office but to be honest I never actually cared. This was bigger than it looked! As we got to the door I could hear a high-pitched voice, which I assumed it was Harley's, so I knocked on the door 3 times as I usually do.

. Come in.

As I got in J was sitting in his office chair and Harley was sitting on the couch playing on her phone but she got up to stand behind J.

\- Puddin who's this?

\- A good old friend.

\- Go call one of your goons old, you idiot.

\- Hey!

Harley seemed insulted at the fact I called J an idiot

\- Now now Harley, this one can call me that

\- Who is she exactly?

\- A friend. Now if you excuse us we have some matters to discuss.

Harley looked at me like I was a monster

\- We've met before actually, you might not remember but I knew you as Harleen Quinzel at Arkham when I went to visit J.

\- I don't and im glad I don't because I don't like you

\- Harley go play with the hyenas or something but leave us alone please

\- Alright Mr. J

Obviously she wasn't too happy about leaving J alone with another woman.

\- Honestly J, its past 11 and I was cozy at home with a cup of tea! Why am I here?

\- Pure peppermint?

\- My tea taste hasn't changed.

\- Glad to hear you haven't changed that much.

I sat on the chair in front of his desk with my feet up and he smiled, not that smile that makes everyone scared out of their minds but a calm one.

\- Why am I here J?

\- Two reasons: One I missed the normal and two: I want you to work for me

\- One: aw cute, two hell no J

\- What? Why?

\- Because, as you put it, I'm normal. I don't want to get killed by working for you.

\- What if you work from home or something? Look, my plans have gotten sloppy and I almost got caught again by Batman, sometimes you need someone to keep your feet on the ground.

\- I'll think about it but I can't make any promises. I was fine without you knowing where I was!

\- You've known me for all these years and you still think I didn't know where you were this entire time?

\- Tell me you didn't put a goon following me 24/7!

\- I won't tell you then.

\- Damn it J! Normal my ass!

\- Yes, it is!

\- Not what I meant and so not funny.

\- It was quite funny actually. I'm so funny… sometimes.

\- J you know we agreed on not contacting eachother since that talk

\- I know but I'm King of Gotham and I need a lawyer.

\- You need one or you just want me to work for you ?

\- A bit of the first but mainly the second.

\- You haven't changed at all, have you?

\- No, not really.

\- Are you happy with her?

\- Usually yes.

\- I won't push that conversation for now because I assume she's eavesdropping and this is a private talk

\- And how's your love life?

\- I'm married to justice

\- Remember the fact I've had eyes on you

\- So you know it all, I don't have anything else to say on that matter

\- True but no reason why we can't have a little bit of fun getting revenge on that bastard! What was his name again?

\- Matt and no. You won't do that. I can handle my own businesses thank you very much and now, if you have nothing else to say I would very much like to go home. Please?

Joker presses a number on his phone

\- Frost, get the car, we're taking Jackie home.

Joker got up from his chair and got around the desk and opened a drawer that was initially behind me to take out a picture frame

\- I keep it around to remind me not everything is out of my control, as in I cannot control you but know you're still normal.

\- This is from my birthday a few years ago! You couldn't have chosen a better picture could you?

\- I actually like this one, I looked good and you didn't!

\- Fair enough. Can we finish this trip down memory lane? I'm loving this but it's late and I need some sleep.

\- Of course. *he opens the office door and yells* I'll be back later!

We made small talk along the way until the car, he opened the door for me, he might be insane but still knows how to be a gentleman. We got to my apartment, he asked me if he could come upstairs out of pure curiosity and I told him it was better if he wouldn't because no one knew I knew him. He hands me a phone.

\- As you know you can't call me from your regular phone so this one has my number and Frost's just in case, give me a call when you think about my offer okay?

\- Yes J.

\- Night idiot

\- Goodnight jackass.

I smiled and got on the elevator, when I opened my apartment door Jen was sitting in the kitchen looking worried

\- You're alive!

\- Of course I am, just in case anything happens from now on you know what to do!

\- Where did you go?

\- To see an old friend

\- Are you gonna tell me who?

\- I'm not. But rest assure I'm safe. I'm going to bed now 'kay?

\- Sure, night!

\- Night!

I entered my bedroom and got into bed when it hit me like a ton of bricks that I didn't have much of a choice.


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up the next morning like nothing happened, and honestly nothing did. I was considering working for J simply because it was him. I'm loving taking this master's but honestly this job would be financially good but it would be me getting into a world that it wouldn't be easy getting out.

I got up, decided to wear my black jeans and my white top with purple converse because it's just comfortable! Went to my classes and when they finished i went home and decided to call Frosty.

"Everything okay?" He kept the same low tone in his voice like always.

"Yes" I stopped and hesitated on actually asking him this but I had nothing to lose "I was just wondering if you think it would be a good idea for me to work for J" Even I could sense the uncertainty in my own voice

"Well, I think so but it's entirely up to you." I was starting to see I would get no help to my problem so I just decided to tell him exactly what was going on.

"Oh Frosty what am I gonna do?" I felt like hitting my head against the wall "It's the crime world and I'm a lawyer"

"Just call J and talk to him"

"Thanks for all your help Frost! My problem is solved!" You could hear the sarcasm in my voice "I'll just call him now"

My very small conversation with Frost didn't help one bit but he was right in one thing: I have to talk to J, so I dial his number.

"Hi J!" He sounded surprised I called this soon-

"Hi J." I smiled "This never stops being funny you know?" I was referring to the fact we call eachother J.

" I Agree! Are you hurt or something?" The tone of his voice went from a relaxed one to a concerned one in a matter of seconds.

"No, I was just calling to talk about that job you offered me." I was now making tea to try to calm my very fast heartbeat.

"You gonna accept it?" He asked hopefully

"I don't know yet, I need to ask you a few things first." I was unsettled.

"Alright" He never liked being asked to many questions.

"Can I keep on taking my master's while I work and can I work from home and only go to you when I'm needed and can I have someone watching my house 24/7 with some button to call you immediately if something happens?" I literally blurted this entire sentence

"Yes to the Master's" He hesitated about the rest "yes to the work from home and only when needed or I'll go to you and I'll have Frost send someone to install something like that and regarding the watching, well you know I've always had an eye on you." By the end of this he was now relaxed.

"Okay then, I'll work for you." I sipped my tea.

"Good." He sounded happy "I'll stop by your apartment tonight at 9."

"Fine. See you later J." I rested my forehead against the marble counter while waiting for the end of this conversation.

"See ya J." He hung up the phone and I kept myself in the exact same place.

It was still to come the complete impact of the decision I had just taken. I was gonna work for a crime lord and it was bitter sweet. I've always been very careful regarding my life, as in because I'm friends with J I've had to be extra careful, I try to keep things at the minimum risk of danger. It was 3 pm and since I had nothing to do I decided to go to the mall.

As I got there I was already feeling like I wanted to go home but that was always my first thought the second I got to a very crowded place, that's why I'm not a fan of going clubbing. I went to H&M to buy some jeans and t-shirts because mine were looking not too good, a black skirt and some other pieces I might found cute and that I would wear.

In about 1 hour I was finished and went home where all I wanted to do was take a nap and so I did. I knew Jen got home at some point during the afternoon because I heard the door and her usual whistle, I completely lost track of time and then I hear the door bell and Jen yelling she'd get it and then an actual scream that made me run out of my bedroom concerned what might've happened to her but when I got to the door I see her trying to close our door.

"What is going on?" This was not normal

"The Joker is outside and I'm trying to close the door so I can call the police!" She sounded scared for her life

I took a deep breath "Just trust me and step aside"

She gave me a confused look "What is wrong with you? Have you gotten insane?"

I raise the volume of my voice "Just a second J!" I lower my voice so only Jen can hear me "You are not going to call the police and you will let him in and I will explain it all, the more you keep him outside the more dangerous it gets for us!"

She looks at me with a very suspicious look "If I get killed I'm gonna haunt you forever!" She was still not sure about her next movement.

I smile, after a few seconds she opens the door and I see The Joker standing in the hall and Frost with a look of pain in his eyes and in the corner of my eye I see Jennifer looking absolutely terrified.

This was the moment I realised that it was Frost's foot that was blocking the door "She's got strength, doesn't she? She did Kickbox when she was younger!"

I smile at Jen and then look again at Frost to which he smiles while they both enter my home.

"She almost chopped my feet with your door!" He tried to say that with a serious face but failed miserably.

I look at J and he has an amused look on his face.

"Jennifer you know The Joker, this is his right hand man Frost." I turn to J "J, I want one more thing! I want her protected too."

J smiles and I know it's to scare Jen.

"Pleasure!" He looks at her in the eyes and smiles the very scary smile "I'm the Clown Prince of Crime!" He turns to me "And Doll, you've accepted the job already, you can't make any more demands!"

At this point he was messing with Jen completely and I was laughing internally because I knew what he was doing.

"Let's pretend that's true shall we?" I smiled and went to hug him

Hugs between me and the Joker weren't unusual but only in private and with people we trust completely, even though he didn't knew Jen he knew I trusted her because if I didn't I wouldn't have allowed him to come here.

"Jackie you know him?" Jen finally spoke but she was on the verge of tears

"Yes I do." I was still at his side "We're old friends."

"If you don't mind I'm going to my bedroom" She was trying to process everything.

I smiled at her.

"Of course, don't worry."

After she was in her bedroom, J finally relaxed and sat on a chair.

"You want her protected as well then I'll do as such, but only because it's you and also because she could go to the cops" He was a bad liar, at least in my eyes

"She wouldn't do that but thank you, I don't want anything to happen to her." I sat on the couch "So, shall we discuss business?"

"Of course, your salary is the number you already know and I just need you to sign the contract you wrote yourself!"

"Done! You need me to write and sign my own contract, it's actually funny." I laughed. "What did Harley say about all of this?" I was speaking in a softer tone.

"Not a fan but I don't actually mind about that this time." He looked distracted.

I hand him the copy of the contract "Here's your copy? Everything done?"

"Yes but I was thinking, dinner?" Joker rarely has dinner, he prefers to interrupt everyone else's dinners instead of eating his own.

"It's 10 pm!" I gave him an 'are you serious' look.

"Booze?"

"I'll get the grape soda to you and the vodka to me." Alcohol was the key to my heart.

"Glad to know you still know my definition of booze." He sounded surprised.

I went to get our glasses, J, unlike everyone thinks, doesn't drink alcohol because it would make him unfocused, and since we started being friends I started drinking a lot of grape soda mainly because it tastes good.

"Next time please be more considerate to my roommate, no one knows I know you" this needed to be said.

"Aw are you ashamed of me?" J was mocking me.

"No but people are afraid of you." I stated as a matter of fact.

"You should scream at the top of your lungs that you know me dear!" He opened his arms as an ' entire world' gesture

"Not gonna happen."

"You'll do that sooner or later." This was half serious half joke

"J, it's late and I have classes tomorrow morning" I was tired.

"I'll see you tomorrow at 9:30 pm at the hideout, I'll get Frost to pick you up because we have some things to deal with." With that, he emptied his glass and got up.

I closed the door and realised I was completely screwed.


	4. Chapter 4

A.N.: hi everyone, I'm sorry it took so long but life caught up... but here's one more and I'll do my best to update soon! So thank you , from the bottom of my heart, to those who have taken the time to read this and even more for leaving a review or any kind of reaction, for that i'll always be thankful.

xx Amelia

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I closed the door, stood still until I heard the elevator closing, and then I simply sat on the floor. It hit me like a ton of bricks the magnitude of how screwed I was. I might be insane after all... My best friend calls me insane quite often and I'm starting to see why...

I got up and made myself a cup of tea as it's usually what calms me and sat on the couch watching Scandal.

Woke up with my alarm the next morning still on the couch, as usual when I'm stressed, so I got up and went to get dressed. Around 20 minutes later I was ready in my denim jeans, a top and a white shirt on top, grabbed my cup of tea and I was out the door. I usually have breakfast with Jen but when I don't it means I'm too stressed and I need to be alone.

Classes were mostly boring, with the occasional interesting detail, and at 3:30 pm I was back at my home, Jen usually gets home at about 5:30 pm so I have two hours which I usually use to bake or clean or do other things home related.

At 7pm Jen wasn't home so I started getting a little worried, I'll admit that the events of the night before might've made me more concerned, so I called her.

"Hey Jen, you okay?" I tried not to sound concerned

"Yeah sorry, got a paper to submit tomorrow so I'm gonna stay at the library all night, I completely forgot to tell you, sorry!" Finally relaxed

"It's okay, was getting late so I got a little worried! I'll see you tomorrow afternoon then!"

"Okay! What are you gonna do tonight?" She usually does this to think about something else so she can focus again later

"I'm going out with a friend" I didn't want to elaborate much.

"Uuuhh what friend?" She had that gossip-y voice

"Just a friend..."

"What are you hiding from me?" She was getting too curious so I decided to give her a quick and self explanatory answer.

"Since yesterday nothing." She didn't make a sound

"Oh okay, just be safe, I'll text you later!" That did the trick!

"Bye, see you later!" I hung up the phone, much more relaxed as I knew she was okay, so I made some noodles for dinner and just waited until 9:15 pm which was when my doorbell rang.

I got up to open the door

"Hi frosty!" I finish saying when I actually open the door and get stunned at what I see in front of me.

"I'm afraid the snowman is still at the hideout, sorry dear!" He grins at me.

"I thought it was Frost! What got you so dressed up?"

"You and I are going to a meeting my dear! So just put on those black heels I know you still have and let's go!" He was now sitting in my couch and when I looked down I realized I was actually barefoot so I went to my bedroom and put on THOSE heels.

Those heels were a gift to me, from J, when I went to court the first time, they're not tall enough to hurt my feet but not short enough to go unnoticed, they're all black with a bow when you tie them at the top. Reapplied my dark lipstick when I reached my hall mirror and when I turned around I had J behind me.

"You should start wearing more red lipstick, I don't like such a dark colour on you" this was an observation

"Too bad I like it, let's go?" He smiled, he knew I liked darker lipstick colors and he was always against it.

I got my purse and locked my home and when we got downstairs we had the usual SUV waiting for us, so we got in the car and off we went.

"Nice top colour" as he smiled I looked down and noticed I was wearing a green top so I smiled back at him

"What? No answer? Now I'm sad!"

"I'm wearing a green top, pure coincidence"

"You know what I think about coincidences!"

I mocked his voice "coincidence is catching the bat when you are actually gonna pay for something"

He laughed, this time genuinely "it's nice to know you still know me!" I laughed too

"After all these years it's kinda hard not to!"

I knew he was looking at my wrist this entire time.

"Nice tattoo you got there... Hiding something?"

A few years ago, when I was going through a tough time I got a rose attached to the word HA! And on the side of my index finger I wrote the word breathe, the rose symbolises growth and that no matter how 'broken' it is it never stops being beautiful, and the HA! obviously symbolises J and it's a reminder to stay true to myself. Breathe reminds me to keep things as simple as possible.

I straightened my shirt go cover it "no, actually no." I smiled at him

He smiled as he knew not to push it, I was perfectly aware he saw that one.

"Boss, we're here" whoever was driving told J.

"It's show time Doll!" He gave me that 'they are so screwed' smile.

We got out the car and started walking to a nightclub, when we got inside we already had a guy waiting for us and led us to a conference room full of crime related people (if I didn't knew them I'd think they were all very innocent by the way they all smile).

J entered first and the chatting that was going on suddenly ended, seconds later I entered the room, with my fake confidence usual of a lawyer with business to deal with, and they all stood up. I looked at J, confused, to which he just nodded and pulled the chair next to me so I would sit, when I did, everyone else did too. Frost was standing behind us like a bodyguard and was paying absolute attention to the surroundings.

"Gentleman, you all know who she is. So let's be quick, we have plans after." He passed his cane to his left hand and gave me a 'you know what to do' look that I absolutely did not like one bit. I crossed my right leg over my left leg and rest my heel in J's right leg. Everyone in that room was now very afraid.

"So J, we would like to start by saying it's nice to have you back" this was responded by a massive eye roll from J "and we would like to start importing more diamonds"

"And, let me guess, you would like to use the club as a cover"

The only one who spoke was unsure how to proceed "yes, if that was possible"

"Hm what do you think?" He looks at me and waits for my answer

"That depends on what they're offering!" I looked at J in the eyes and then right in the eyes of the same guy.

"50/50 would be what we were thinking."

J opened his mouth to speak but I beat him to it " So, gentleman, you were considering 50/50... I would advise you to think a little bit more about it..." I uncrossed my legs, stood up and started walking around the table "because, you see, that would mean you were equal in the business and that's just not very appealing to me... So care to rephrase?" I stopped with a hand on his shoulder and I could feel J looking at me.

"So Ms. Thorne, maybe 35/65?"

I laughed "Hey! I have a nickname! Did you know about this, J?"

J only nodded yes. "Well, gentleman, I very much like my nickname but why that?"

The guy was trembling now

"because of the tattoo" he said very quietly

"Ah, my very very pretty tattoo... " I kept my confidence even tho I, stupidly, hoped it would go unnoticed "it suits me.. see, gentleman, I can and will live up to such nickname so be careful of what you do. We accept the 35/65 and if you think, for one second, to cross any of us you will see how much this torn stings." I move back to where I was sitting and seat the exact same way I was before "Anything else on the agenda?" I smiled sarcastically

"Didn't you hear the lady, gentleman?" J raised his voice

"Thats all there was to discuss Mr.J..."

"Very good, she will keep her word, good day to you all"

We got up and went back into the car, he opened my door and I climbed in and he went over to his side.

"So, what plans do we have?" I was curious

"We are going back to my house and watch oceans 11" I laughed

"How about we do that at my place? Less people! Also Jen is at the library so I'm alone!" To everyone else it would seem I was hitting on him but this was kind of a regular conversation between us.

"I'm totally okay with it. Take us to her place"

A very low 'yes boss' was heard from the front seat, it took about 15 minutes to get there and we mainly made small talk in the car. I unlocked my door and we got in, I got the grape soda, the tequila and a couple of glasses, then I went to get popcorn and some chips like we used to do as he put the movie.

"How long has it been?" He asked me as I sat down on the couch

"I don't know, 6 years?"

"Seems like forever"

"Yeah it does" I smiled

We sat in silence watching the movie, him holding a glass with grape soda and me with one with half grape soda half tequila. After 2 or 3 glasses I started to giggle, which he knew was the time I would always say the truth.

"Why the tattoo?" He paused the movie and looked at me

"Which one?" I giggled

"Why the HA and the rose" he was really curious

"J, darling, you don't need to know that but you're always with me" he smiled but still didn't like my answer

"Show me the other" I showed him my finger

"It's pretty you know" he was staring at it

"I do but you don't have to stare" I might've been tipsy but I still knew how to hold my ground

"Where's the ring?" I immediately retrieved my hand and grabbed my wrist

"What ring?" Yep, I was screwed

"You know what ring." He wasnt being agressive nor anything

"That ring is a long time gone and you know it" I was starting to think that all this wasn't a good idea

"That's a lie and you and I both know it, you see.." he gets up from the couch and starts walking to my bedroom and i, obviously, followed him "as you know, I always have an eye on you... So I know, as well as you, that you still use it." We reached my bedroom and he turns to me "So don't even try" he was hurt! Pure hurt was going through his voice.

He opened the door and looked at me

"Where is it?" It was so out of character to everyone to see him like this but this was normal to me, so he sat on the bed as I took out a painting I had in the wall that hid a small cabinet, I opened it and took out the Jewelry box and handed it to him.

He looked at it and, if I didn't know any better, I would say he was about to cry.

"Why is it hidden?" He looked at the box

"Because I can't have a box that says 'Queen in Court and at home, love J' hanging around" I roll my eyes

"Ah... And where is it? I see the necklace, I see the earrings... These got you a few dates, didn't they?" He was attacking low "but where is what I want to see?" He got up at that point.

"It is hidden and I don't want you to see it, maybe it's time to call it a night!" I left my bedroom and went to the living room

"Show me where it is and I'll leave!" He wasn't angry but it was close

"Of course you wanted me drunk! What a fool I am! You see, I've gotten drunk so many times before that I've gained control of it all. My honesty when tipsy is no more. Go home to Harley now."

"SHUP UP ABOUT HARLEY." okay, now he was mad.

"No. YOU WILL LEAVE ME NOW. PLEASE. AND I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT RING ANYMORE! LEAVE MY RING ALONE."

He was past the point of annoyance and this wasn't going to be pretty.

"So it's your ring now? When we broke up it was my ring and then our ring, I just want to know why you kept it after all these years." Strangely he lowered his voice.

"Because you're my friend and I like the ring"

"SHOW ME WHERE THE RING IS." I spoke too soon.

I grab a chain that was around my neck "HERE'S THE STUPID ENGAGEMENT RING YOU SO WANTED TO SEE. YES I KEPT IT AND YES I USE IT EVERY NOW AND THEN. AND THE TATTOO? LIKE THAT NEEDED AN EXPLANATION. YOU'VE KNOW ABOUT IT SINCE I HAD IT DONE. Are you happy now? You've seen it. I thought we agreed we wouldn't talk about it ever again and here you come, offering me a job, and now, after all this time, you yell at me pretty much demanding me to see what almost destroyed you and me too?" I take the chain off and threw it at him "Just take it, if you need anything on the professional side ask Frost to come by, I don't really wanna see you soon." I turned my face "Now please get the hell out of my house."

He gets up quickly and leaves, as he closes the door I start crying, how could I be so stupid?


	5. Chapter 5

J's POV

"Just hurry up, I have things to do" I yelled at the driver.

I heard her crying when I left her apartment, I should've known not to push it but the curiosity won.

I've keeping an eye on her since we agreed not to talk anymore, I always have be one of my henchmen following her from afar and taking some pictures. One day, after the henchman sent me the pictures, I was looking at them and I saw a ring in her index finger; my first reaction was to think she was engaged to someone and the stupid henchman didn't photograph the other guy, but then I took a closer look and saw that the ring was in fact in her index finger and it wasn't any ring, it was THE ring.

Jacqueline's POV

I had gotten that image from my head, or at least was capable of not thinking about it a lot, and now it was back.

4 years ago, around the time he started becoming THE Joker, he flew one last time to London to see me.. I was nowhere to be found. He already had the green hair and some of the tattoos but nothing that would scare anyone at first, so he went looking for me. He called my best friend, who knew him as Jack, even tho they only met once, and asked for me, obviously that worried her because she didn't know where I was either.

I have a couple friends placed in different parts of the world so one of my closest, after my best friend, is Chloe and lives in Lisbon so I went to her place for a while because I wasnt feeling too well so I decided it would be a good time to see her again.

Fast forward a month, Chloe went to see her nephew and I was home alone, which was quite usual, when the doorbell rang.

"I thought you were gonna be back later!" I said as I was opening the door when I suddenly realized it wasn't Chloe but the green haired man. "How did you find me?" I was scared

"I have my ways, you could've told me or at least Tina, she's worried sick." Tina is my best friend and usually when I leave she knows i don't want to be found.

"What are you doing here?" I let him in.

"I came here to talk to you"

"It's been almost 6 months since we broke up, what's there to talk about? And why the green hair? I don't like it." I was struggling to hold my tears but I still wasn't going to ask what happened to make him change his appearance.

" I miss you, I'm sorry, I just came by to tell you I'm sorry."

We dated for around 6 months but we broke up because he started getting more angry, he never hit me nor anything similar, but I was always afraid of what he might do.

"Goodbye J, thanks for the visit but I'm fine so now please leave"

"No, wait, I have something to ask you." He got down on one knee " Jacqueline Smith, I know I'm crazy and insane but I'm all those things about you too, will you marry me?"

I don't know how long I stood still there but it was a long time before I could answer "no, I won't. I was scared of you, really scared, and you did nothing to change that. You barely spent any time with me until I told you I was done, really done. So I will not marry you."

I don't think I had ever seen him that hurt but he got up, gave me the box and turned to leave "keep it, it's yours anyway, I don't want it. Do whatever you want with it". He left the house and, obviously, I sat crying in the couch while holding a small box. All I heard from him until I went to see him in Arkham were lawyer problems, so I'd send the paperwork back and he'd deal with it. He was still my client, he still payed for what I did, but it was nothing more than a client.

After all that happened he was still my friend but I was only capable of accepting that a few months after that, he still sent me a letter every now and then because and I quote 'i don't like technology, too easy to corrupt' but I only started answering a while before I moved here.

When Chloe got home that day all she saw was me crying on the living room floor holding a tiny box.

"Jackie are you okay?" She dropped her bags and ran to me

"Sort of" I couldn't stop crying.

"What's that you're holding?" She eyed it

"Nothing" as I said that I started crying even more, if that was possible.

"C'mon, show me" there was no point in not showing it to her, she has heard about him a lot but she had never met him. I handed her the box and as she opened it she didn't react. "It's a pretty ring, who gave it to you?" She knew the answer so I just sat there and cried.

"I haven't looked at it" I said between sobs.

"Then do, it's so you. He has great taste. I assume by your reaction that you said no" I simply nodded yes. "Want me to get the alcohol?" I nodded yes again.

A few hours and a lot of drinks later I finally looked at it, it was a rose shaped ring with a black diamond in the middle, I wanted to cry but had no tears left at that point to I sat there and just stared at it with a blank expression.

We once had agreed we wouldn't talk about it again because he knew how damaged I had gotten and that was his turning point, after that he started being THE Joker and I stayed in Lisbon for another month and then went back to London.

I heard about the Joker every now and then, but his letters made it seem like it was all like before.

I knew Frost pretty much since I met J, they were at the bar together that night and he went home after J and I started talking, so when J called for me as a lawyer to go meet him he chose not to tell me exactly who he was or where he was but I got a text from Frost telling me what to expect, given that I hadn't seen him in a while, so I wouldn't be frightened and ran away, even tho the instinct was still there I knew who was in front of me, I wasn't afraid now.

So, 3 years ago, I got a plane ticket and a note from Frost telling me to go and he would be waiting for me, so I did. I trust Frost so I did what he asked, when I arrived in Gotham he took me to Arkham and I asked him what we were doing there so he said we were meeting J.

I got in, told the lady in the desk I was the Joker's lawyer, to which she got up and said "come with me" with her voice quivering. We went through halls and a lot of doors until we got to a certain one, she opened and there it was a pale skin, full of tattoos, green haired man that once had been completely normal.

"Hello darling" he made that laugh that scares everyone

"If you think for one second that scares me, think again." I looked at him and sat on the chair in front of him.

"Oh how I've missed you. Hows everything?" I rolled my eyes, I just wanted to get this conversation over and go back home.

"Why am I here? You didn't call me to chat, I'm sure of that" I crossed my arms, he smiled

"Always so bright this girl... I wanted you to see this, all of this, this is me now, I don't want you surprised at anything you hear about me. I'm getting out soon and I'm being treated by a very easy to manipulate blonde!" He raised his non existent eyebrows to which I responded with another eye roll

"Okay. So you're pale now, and have metal teeth and have a crap load of tattoos. What happened?" He didn't react

"Batsy. But enough about him." He looked at my hands and back to my eyes "I will not be contacting you anytime soon as I've got big plans, just wanted to see you and to ask you if we could be like before? Please?"

Those damn eyes! "I'll try, goodbye J"

"Goodbye J, take care of yourself" this earned him a smile from me.

And that was it. A year and a half ago I was going through a depressive stage and didn't leave my home, Jen couldn't get me out nor anyone could, I think I might've spent close to two months inside home without leaving. One day, without any particular reason, I got up at 8 am, went to the hairdresser near our home, cut my hair and dyed it a very bright red. When I was done I went to the tattoo place where Jen had gotten her tattoo (she has a chemical formula in her upper arm) and got both of mine that very same day.

I usually keep the ring in a silver keychain that is usually around my neck but when I'm extremely nervous I tend to have anxiety problems and it gets harder to breathe so I take the ring out, put it on my index finger of my right hand (so I see it specially when I have to write) and put the keychain on my wallet.

Why didn't I throw it away, you ask... I couldn't. He had such a big impact on my life, as a friend or as a partner, that I simply couldn't throw it away.

We had agreed we wouldn't talk about it anymore so why ask about it now? Now that we were able to be 'normal' around eachother again? I couldn't seem to understand why but that day I was so upset I let myself, once more, fall asleep on the couch. I woke up next morning with Jen touching my arm with a smug smile on her face

"I see alcohol here! Big night last night?" I rolled my very sleepy eyes

"No, not really" I rubbed my eyes and got up to change from my clothes to some shorts and a baggy top, I have classes from 9 to 12 but it was already 11 so I decided to stay home.

"Everything okay?" She asked me.

"Yeah, everything's good." I faked a smile as best as I could.

"Okay, I'm out with Jon!" She grabbed her purse

"Send him my love, see ya" I waved at her and went back to my favourite place in the house: the couch.

Our group of friends consists on me, the lawyer, Jen, the chemistry major, Jon and Kim, the literature majors, Anna, the management major and Kate, the history major.  
I spent my day baking (I really do love baking) cupcakes and, at around 7pm, Jen got back home and brought Kate with her.  
"Hey girl, what got you home all day?" she put her purse on our living room chair and hugged me  
"Oh nothing, just slept late!" Jen gave me a 'you're lying' look but said nothing  
"Oh okay, well, shall we go out for dinner? I don't feel like eating home today." Jen said enthusiastically  
"Yes!" Kate smiled  
"I'm not really in the mood, you guys go!" I tried to get them to leave me home  
"No, not a chance! I'll pick you an outfit myself!" She said happily and pretty much ran to my bedroom, and then it hit me that I hadn't exactly cleaned my bedroom…  
"Hum, Jackie, why is a jewellery box spread on the floor, why haven't I seen it before, why is your painting on the floor and a cabinet in the wall?"  
I stood still on the living room as she approached our kitchen with the box in her hands. Next to me was a wide eyed Jen and a speechless me.  
"What is that? It's so pretty!" Kate held it in her hands  
"It's my jewellery box." I was pretty much doomed but I was still gonna try to soften the blow.  
"Why does it say 'Queen at home and in court. Love, J.' ?" Jen was looking at me like she was shocked meanwhile Kate was curious.  
"Was a gift to me a long time ago, water under the bridge" I faked a smile and tried to take it from her hand, which didn't happen because Jen got to it first.  
"Uh, it's really pretty! Who's J?" She asked not as innocently as it would seem.  
I gave her a 'really?' look "No one important" .  
The box was dark blue, with the letters in white with a golden bow where it closes. "Home? Queen? Jesus Jackie, this is too sweet! Who's the guy?" Kate was getting far too happy as, somehow, Jen hadn't realized who gave me the box.  
"Home? I thought you hadn't been 'home' serious with anyone?!" Oh dear God…  
"Okay enough!" I was getting really angry at all this even though they were not to blame, they're my friends, it's what friends do! "Jen don't be an idiot, you know who gave me that! In 3.. 2.. 1.. " I waited for her reaction..  
"Oooohhhh!" There's the ' I just saw a ghost' expression.  
"Ooohh what?" Kate was lost.  
"Kate, honey, I don't want to talk about it. Someone gave it to me, he loved me and I love him and that's that" I quickly stated.  
Oh crap.  
Oh no.  
Shit.  
"You love him?" A very uncertain, and now very scared, Jen asked.  
"I loved him, that's what I said" I tried to 'cover' it.  
"I heard that you love him! Present! But you can't!" Jen yelled at me.  
"Okay Jen, no need to yell alright? No love is ever forbidden!" There was Kate, the hopeless romantic, at her best.  
"Oh trust me, this one is!" She yelled, again. At this point I had tears running and, once more, couldn't stop them.  
"Like I wasn't feeling already bad enough, thank you very much ladies." I faked a smile through tears, grabbed my purse and turned to them once more before I walked out the door "This inquisition helped a lot. I'm going out and I don't know when I'll be back." I closed the door behind me.  
I still love him.  
I say it again in my head.  
I still love him.  
No, this doesn't seem right. Maybe if I say it out loud it will help.  
"I still love him." I whisper.  
Nop. I can't say this ever again. EVER.  
I'm walking around the streets at 8pm, it's getting dark, and I have never been afraid to walk alone. I wander around the streets of Gotham and find myself near a pub, like the ones back home. I get in and ask for a beer as I'm not really in the mood for anything else, I sit on the counter and the bartender, who's British, I start talking about all the things we miss back home. When I look at my watch again it's almost 9 pm so I decide to return home. I leave the pub and start walking the opposite direction from my home, I don't know exactly why but I really didn't want to go home at that moment. I start answering a text from Chloe via voice note when I heard an explosion, after all it's all black.


	6. Chapter 6

When I woke up all I could think of was the pain in my head and in my leg, it hurt far too much, I hadn't opened my eyes yet because I thought it would be more painful. When I did all I noticed was Tina sleeping on the couch next to my hospital bed, wait… hospital bed? What happened? I could see Kate and Jen talking across the room but I couldn't hear what they were saying.  
"Hi guys" I sat in the bed, with my legs stretched because they were hurting me, I could see they were talking to me but I couldn't hear a word of what they were saying. "Guys, I can't hear you".  
Tina immediately woke up and, for what I could understand, said 'oh no' to them.  
"What happened? Why am I in a hospital bed? Why is my head and legs killing me?" Since I couldn't understand what they were saying, Tina passed me the newspaper that read 'JOKER EXPLODES BUILDING DOWNTOWN, NO DEAD BUT MANY INJURED, NO SIGN OF BATMAN'  
"Oh.." I look at Jen who was on the phone but looking at me and just shrugged her shoulders "How long have I been out?"  
Kate shows me 4 fingers. "What's wrong with me?" That's when the doctor comes in and hands me a piece of paper 'I'm Dr. Jackson, you've been asleep for 4 days now. When the explosion went off, you fell backwards and hit your head on the floor, that caused the temporary hearing lost (we can't estimate how long it will be because you were close to the place where it went off), and you dislocated your scapula (the cast will be on for another week and a half) and some wounds caused by shrapnel's in your left leg also caused by the explosion. Got any questions?" I looked up at him, he had kind eyes.  
"When can I leave?" I asked him.  
He grabbed another piece of paper that read 'We have to repeat some exams tomorrow now that you're awake but if all comes okay you can leave as soon as we are sure'.  
"Okay, thanks doctor" I smiled at him and just laid back again in my bed while looking at Tina and mouthed an 'I'm sorry' to her, she just smiled with a tear streaming down her face.  
I had no idea what time it was but I assumed it was morning because of the light, the rest of the day went by quickly with my friends around and doing their best to 'talk' to me.  
I sent them all home later that day, so they could sleep properly, but before they went Jen grabbed a piece of paper and wrote me a note saying 'your other phone rang a few times, it said James, and there was a guy here saying he was your friend and his name was James and he just asked about you' I didn't react but I knew it was Frost 'take care and we'll be back tomorrow afternoon' she hands me the phone and I smile at her, then she leaves and I'm alone.  
I see I have 13 missed calls from Jack, a.k.a. J, and 5 texts from James, a.k.a. Frost, asking where I was… That was outdated because he had been here.  
I tried to get some sleep but it was evading me, how could he do that? Not to me, personally, but to everyone else? I hadn't witnessed an attack this close, ever, somehow I had gotten lucky these two years, but I was stunned. Also, how did they know I was here?

I didn't know exactly what time it was when I saw the door to my room open and Frost entering. He tried to tell me something but I held my hand up "I have hear loss, thanks to the explosion your buddy caused, and I don't know how long it will be until I'll be back to normal. Why the visit?" He wrote on his phone 'just checking how you were doing' and handed it to me; I threw it to the other side of the bed and looked at him 'You're kidding right?' I let out a sarcastic laugh " How did you know I was here?" He picks up his phone and starts typing again 'J has someone with eyes on you all the time and he saw you falling and being transferred here'

Perfect! Just perfect.

'As you can see, snowy, I'm perfect so, if you would be so kind and leave me alone, that would be much appreciated! And tell your friend thank you very much for all of this.' I gesture to my hospital bed, he starts typing again 'you were safe, when you left the pub it was too late to call it off. He asked me to check up on you' he was partially doing what he asked and the other part was just him being worried about me.

"Checking done.' and I laid in my bed again but I could still see him "Goodbye Frost"

I assume he had left because I could no longer see him, that night (or what was the rest of it) I dreamt of flowers.

J's POV

_4 DAYS EARLIER_

"Hit it Frost!" I looked at him with the detonator in his hand, it would take about a minute to blow up. I had Harley behind me, holding her bat, and I was looking at the city when I got a call,

"What do you mean she left?" Harley moved to place her hand on my shoulder as if she was asking me 'all okay?' but I shrugged it off.

"Okay, try to protect her but if she gets hit call me again. Do not let her get out of your sight!" I put my phone again in my pocket.

"Everything okay Puddin' ?" Harley asked from where she was standing

"It depends on what happens next!" And then BOOM. The bomb went off, Harley giggled like a little kid meanwhile all the fun I was gonna have suddenly turned into fear and then minor terror when I got another call.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE GOT HIT?" I yelled at the goon on the other side of the phone.

"IS SHE CONSCIOUS?" Johnny shifted from behind us to next to me "Follow her where they take her. And don't leave the area where she is." I hung up the phone and looked at Frost who was waiting for my instructions. "Johnny boy, our girl was in the area and was a victim of our little BOOM... I want you to go check up on her and keep me updated. That little idiot said she was going to the hospital and I assume she'll have at least Jen and Kate by her side, if not the rest of the gang, but Tina will probably fly there one she knows and be careful because she knows very well who you are." Harley sighs very loudly "Anything wrong Harley?" I was mad.

"That girl again puddin? Let her be! She's not important anyway!" I looked at her, probably, with the worst look I've ever given her and I started walking towards her. "Not important?" I lifter her chin because she was now looking at the floor "Who says she's not important? You? Unfortunately to you she is very important and you know it" she looks at the ring in my gold chain "Exactly. So do not tell me she isn't important." I left the rooftop and left her with some of my most trusted henchmen, Frost had gotten to meet Jackie and I was going back to my hideout to find a way into that hospital without being seen. It didn't take much to find a doctor in Gotham General with huge debt to the finances that would help me, but I wasn't going to act now as her friends were yet to see her and me being there would mean closing the area.

_PRESENT DAY_

Johnny went to see her, he said she can't hear temporarily and she's mad (when isn't she mad with me these days?), I have everything scheduled, they're closing her area at 10pm, with some pathetic excuse I don't really care, and turn off all the cameras, I will be in in disguise as I'll be wearing denim jeans and a hoodie (so unworthy of the King of crime but it's better like this than getting caught).

Jacqueline's POV

Next morning I woke up feeling a little bit better, my head didn't hurt as much but I still couldn't hear. I had turn off my other phone, my actual phone got too damaged in the explosion, and I could only tell the time by looking at the bottom right corner of the very small tv in my bedroom, it was 11:53 am. By 12:30 the doctors came by to ask me a few more questions, or in this case write them, and take my blood so they could make some more tests to check if I was okay and if so, I could leave tomorrow, I can't wait to be back home. I had lunch, read a book that, I assume it was Kate because it totally seems like her, and just enjoyed my afternoon alone, until at 5pm Tina got in my bedroom with a notebook in one hand and a, what I assume, latte on the other hand. She set the cup next to me, gave me a smile and sat on the chair next to my bed.  
"Who told you I was in here?" I grabbed my cup of coffee and looked at her. She grabbed a pen and wrote 'Kate texted, I got on the first plane.' I read and smiled at her. "I'm okay, you know?" I looked at her, she was looking at the floor "I'm really okay" I smiled and went to the left side of the bed so she could sit next to me. She grabbed the notebook again and wrote 'I was so scared. What happened?', I looked at her, gave her a sad smile and simply said "Bad timing darling, that's what it was.". We sat there talking, at least I talked, she wrote, and I didn't even noticed I fell asleep. I woke up and Tina was no longer next to me but I had a note next to my bed saying 'I prefer your bed over this, more comfy, I'll let you rest, we (all of us) will be back tomorrow to get you home, meanwhile rest. Love, your favorite weirdo'. I smiled, I can't believe she actually flew here for me, she had only been here once but I assume Jen and the rest are taking good care of her, I really have great friends.  
The rest of the day went by quickly, I had dinner at 8, watched some movie that was on tv (this one had subtitles so it made me smile that I could really understand it all!) and I fell asleep … again! Those damn meds, why do they make me so sleepy? I had barely left that room since I woke up, I only went to the bathroom and it was as quick as possible as the meds made me very dizzy.  
I was fast asleep until I felt someone grab my hand, unconsciously I grabbed it and smiled, but wait. I was alone! I shot my eyes open and saw a man in maroon hoodie sitting on my bed and let out, what I assume by the man's reaction, an incredibly loud scream. He covered my mouth with one hand, the one with smile, and gestured me to shut up, then I looked at the tattoo, realised who he was, and he lowered his hoodie. Oh of course. I rolled my eyes, and looked at his hand as a way of telling him to take his hand away, which he got, and then adjusted myself on the bed to listen to whatever that jackass had to say.  
"You either say whatever you want to say or you leave. I'm in here because of you."  
He gave me a smile and it all went dark… Again.


End file.
